Week 5 NFL Picks against the spread

Hey, it's nice to see that you've come back for more thinkology of the NFL variety. The doctors are in...Week 5 is here, and teams are beginning to show whether or not they're for real. We've got some great picks for you, FREE as always, and FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. On to the PICKS!

Minnesota Vikings -10 @ St. Louis Rams
Ladies and Gentlemen, step right up, don't be shy. The Vikings will cover, take it to the bank. The lambs are looking like a mediocre High School team, and the Vikings are just hitting their stride. We were actually thinking this might look more like an early season college spread, you know, like when Ohio State plays Youngstown State? We were thinking the Vikes by 40. But, we'll take the Vikes by 10. And so should you. The Rams are averaging an embarrassing 6 pts. per game, that's two field goals, that's last in the NFL, they are also last in points allowed. If you can't score, and you let the other team score a lot, you're going to be...well...the Rams. Take the Vikes -10 and load up.

Baltimore Ravens -8.5 vs. Cincinnati Bengals
The Ravens are coming off of a disappointing loss and are licking their chops for a chance at a division opponent coached by the likes of Marvin Lewis. Yes, we said it, he can't coach his way out of one of the sweaty paper bags over the Browns' fans heads. We threw ourselves off of a 75 mph Bengals bandwagon after last week's debacle of a showing against a team that was begging to be trampled. This week, Harbaugh's bunch will take the 'who dey' and pound it squarely into the B'more turf. Cincy is 26th against the pass, and Baltimore's young gun, Joe Flacco is averaging 275 yds. per game through the air and has already thrown 8 TD passes. Baltimore is 2-0 against the spread at home. Ravens -8.5, cha-ching!

New England Patriots -3 @ Denver Broncos
With Josh McDaniel vs. Bill Belichick, this game is pupil vs. teacher, puppet vs. puppetmaster, protege' vs. master, and we all know how those matchups work out. You've seen Rocky V, haven't you? Rock took it to Tommy Gunn in the street, baby! How about Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi? Anakin ended up without legs and needing a loud sounding respiration helmet. Or how about Pinocchio vs. Mr. Gepetto? Jiminy Cricket tried to warn him, but he ended up looking like...well, you saw the movie. Coach Hoodie will have his sleeves cut off for this one, and all his weapons intact. Welker is back so Randy Moss can resume his deep threat role, and NO ONE can cover him deep. Taking the Pats is like taking your 16 year-old older brother against your sorry 8 year-old self in a pick up game of hoops in the driveway. 'Til you grow a little, and your brother eats too many cheeseburgers, you're not going to beat him. Take the Pats.

NY Jets -1.5 @ Miami Dolphins
There is one stat you need to know for this game. RB's Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown played against Rex Ryan's defense in Baltimore twice last season. Once in the regular season, once in the playoffs, and the two combined for 79 rushing yards total. In TWO games. As you've seen the past few weeks, Ol' Rex has his defense going pretty well in NY. After this game, instead of the Wildcat, Rex will have you saying "I thought I saw a puddy tat. I DEED, I DEED see a PUDDY TAT!" Let's be clear, normally the Doctors of Footballology would tell you take the "HOME DOG ON MONDAY NIGHT" because it's about an 80% bet. However, this game will be one of the 20% because of Rex's D. The Wildcat will go nowhere, and if you take the Jets you'll be going somewhere, straight to the bank. Take Rex's Jets.